TREDFOR Vocation Exposure Program

Activity

Photograph with Rev. Msgr. Tom Gonzalez

Narrative

written by Ricardo Banzon, Sheilu Eslava & Eshia Tan

The catechesis on marriage that we attended at San Isidro Labrador Parish on July 9, 2014 talked about Pamumuhay Moral ng Mag-asawa at Single (Pag-aasawa sa Plano ng Diyos) and was conducted by Rev. Msgr. Tom Gonzalez.

This particular meeting had the Reverend prepare multiple visual presentations, in which the initial topics touched upon identifying love and its spiritual aspects as well as differentiating interior and exterior sins in context with the sexual act, which itself was a topic explained from a religious understanding with spiritual implications.
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Commandments:

Ikaanim: Huwag kang makiapid sa ‘di mo asawa.

Ika-siyam: Huwag kang magnasa sa ‘di mo asawa.

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Many marriages fall apart because of cheating incidences. One among the couple breaks the sanctity of marriage once they establish an illegal affair with another person. When one cheats in a relationship, one does not only break the other person’s heart, but his/her marriage vows, as well.

As Christians, we are advised to practice chastity while we are still not yet married because it is the way for us to protect our purity. It is the way for us to be free from any adulterated matter; free from sin.

The differences between the traditional and modern courtship had been tackled, as well; whereas it was said that an ideal courtship lasts from six months to two years – where the man and woman can get to know one another better before choosing who to love and commit with, but because of today’s modern day age, a lot of younger couples tend to enter relationships faster, which then leads to problems in communicating and understanding one another.

The advancement of technology in today’s society brings effects on how people choose the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. With the invention of many social networking sites, many couples tend to rely only on them in knowing and understanding each other, which can be very problematic since their identities can be easily manipulated just through the use of them.

Reflection

Pinterest

Call me old-fashioned, but I think if a guy wants to court me, it is best if he does it the traditional way. I must have gotten this attitude being a probinsyana and coming from a family who gives so much importance to familial relationships, but I still think there is no better way to win my heart than to re-enact at least most of the things my grandpa did to get the sweetest yes from the bottom of my grandma’s heart.

I am not going to lie; if a suitor shows up in front of our house and starts singing, he is going to get plus points not only from me, but from my family, who is very much musical, as well. It will even help him a lot if he asks permission from my parents and show them how sincere he is with his feelings towards me. If he wants to send sappy love letters to me, then let him do it; I will truly appreciate it. In today’s modern day age, saying the words “I love you” is easy with the help of technology; but meaning it is something quite difficult to prove. If I ever get courted, I want the guy to show his efforts personally and not just simply through text messages or e-mails. I want to be in love with that real person, through all the efforts he has directly shown me; not with just the idea of him.

I have been told that courtship is a very romantic experience. Aside from getting bouquets of lovely flowers and butterflies in the stomach, I believe it is also an opportunity for me to choose the man I am going to love. It is nice to hope that on the courtship stage, I can find not only a potential romance but friendship, as well. This is why I have been thinking about not giving in so easily just on the first few months of dating. It is not about playing hard to get, but just wanting to take things slowly; to give time for the both of us to be more open and become better in understanding one another.

I am aware that a lot of people have been saying chivalry is dead; but it becomes dead only when we let it. As much as I have been living in today’s hookup culture, I still think it is not right for me to get myself carried away just because a lot of people have been doing it, too. I have the freedom to determine what I want myself to be, and I am willing to maximize all the freedom I have to choose morally. There is no need for me to put a lot of pressure on myself just because I do not do exactly what others do.

I realize courtship is actually a crucial part of choosing the man I can potentially marry and spend the rest of my life with. This is the stage where, while I am being pursued, I can see how far a man can go to prove he is willing to commit with me, and that he is bold enough to show he will love me unconditionally. I am not going to rush. I believe beautiful things take time to grow. I hope my future suitor does, too.

Interview

Mrs. Anacleta A. Eslava and Mr. Artemio U. Eslava

Narrative

Last August 10, 2014, I had the chance to interview my Uncle Artemio U. Eslava, a farmer, and his wife Anacleta A. Eslava, Principal of Taboc Elementary School, San Juan, La Union, about their life as a married couple. 

Their romantic relationship did not start mutually. As much as he said he fell in love with her on the first moment he had seen her, it was not the same for her. She initially felt annoyed, annoyed for having someone like her and continued to pursue her.

They first met on the town of San Gabriel, where both of them were not natives of. He was staring at her as she was buying drinks; and because she felt she was being stared at, she did not like it. They did not know each other prior of their first encounter. Later, she found out he was a cousin of one of her students, and so she told her student to tell his cousin not to stare at her the next time they meet again. 

She, being a teacher, was transferred to the elementary school in Bugbugcao, where apparently he lived. As she was going to school, they had seen each other once again. He decided, then, to get to know her. He was constantly walking her from where the jeepney dropped her until where she worked at. She continued to felt annoyed. She kept telling him she had a boyfriend (imaginary) and he needed to stop walking her to wherever she was going. 

He knew there were still some others trying to pursue her, so he felt he needed to show her more of his efforts just so she could realize how serious he was with her. Every day since he was courting her, at around three o’clock to four o’clock, he waited outside of school until classes ended just so he could drop her at her home. There was one time one of her suitors showed up and walked along with them. He, being the competitive person he was, increased the speed of his walking just so he could be the first one to catch up with her. The next day, his competitor did not show up again.

Among all the suitors she had, no one had been as tenacious as he was. He had shown her all of his efforts – even giving fruits and poultry to her family – until she had finally fallen in love with him.

For two years, they were boyfriend and girlfriend, until he had finally decided to propose to her. The proposal was quite hilarious; for when he had popped the very nerve-wracking question to her, he was accused of taking marijuana just because his eyes were very red. But later she found out it was his birthday (he had probably been drinking), and so she decided to give his proposal quite some thought. He still continued to do the things he did when he was still courting her even until he went to her house for pamamanhikan. 

Fortunately for his part, her family liked him and so they were given the blessing to get married. They got married on April 16, 2014 and that marked the beginning of their lives together as one. 

When I asked them if married life is happy, they laughingly said “Hindi naman masyadong masaya.” They explained married life would not always be a place of happiness; there would always be challenges along the way. It was just the way you handle things that you could be happy.

For the twenty-three years that they have been married, they had been through a lot. He had colon cancer, stage 3A. And while he had been suffering, life had decided to drop some more humor and made their two children sick, as well. That was the time she did not even know how to process what was happening anymore. All that she had ever thought about was to keep herself calm and continue to stay strong for the benefit of her family. She said she had to remain resilient because if she had let herself break, then no one would have had taken care of her family.

Another challenge that went their way was when there was some sort of a “third party.” She felt hurt and betrayed, so she, along with her two kids, stayed in her parent’s house for a little while. She left him all alone in their home until he courted her once again. He had gone all the way into winning his wife back. He had done all that he could to talk his wife into coming back home. It was during their second son’s birthday when they finally decided to come home.

They certainly had bad times, but there were still the good ones. The greatest blessing they both consider is the children they have. All the things they do, they do it for their children, for the family. Both of them work so hard just so they can provide all the needs of the family. They both believe that their utmost responsibility is to satisfy what the family needs. They both know they have responsibilities as spouse and as parents, and that they need to do all that they can to achieve them.

Through the years that they have been married, they have made mistakes and have learned from them. They have established a give-and-take relationship and learned to trust one another. They have learned that words do not suffice to show how much they love one another; they must make an effort to prove it – act and do not just talk about it.

As the interview came to an end, they left me with the value of putting the family always the priority. Young couples who wish to get married someday should aspire for a relationship built with trust and pagbibigayan. Couples should always be guided with their vision and mission benefiting the whole family. It is not going be easy, but couples should always know to put all their trust to the Lord and just let Him do His will. Ask for His guidance and you will never be alone.

Here is the video of the interview (which had more laughter than words spoken):

Reflection

For a long time, I have been a huge fan of the romantic relationship of Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr. I usually do not squeal when I see couples looking so smitten with one another (most of the time I get crept out even), but when I see photographs of Orlando and Miranda looking at each other with so much affection, I shamelessly get thrilled. I had seen them build a family, had seen them happy together, had seen them support one another, and had seen them totally in love with one another. For so long, I believed they were a match made in heaven; until one day I learned they were getting a divorce. It all came to me as a shock, because I had never thought they were ever going to put an end to their marriage. I had believed that they were the kind of couple, although made in Hollywood, would never break up. I was sad for them. What made things worse was that I could still see Orlando look at Miranda the same way he did when they were still together, still with the same longing and fondness. (Man, I felt like my heart was crushed when I saw the video of Orlando interrupting Miranda’s interview just so he could say she looked pretty. His eyes and smile said it all!)

I know that the rate of failed marriages has become higher than it was during the old times. That is exactly the kind of statistics I want to keep myself away from. I told myself that when I get married, I would marry just one man. When problems arise, I will have to make sure divorce is not going to be an option to solve them. When love seems to be not enough, we’ll make our own enough. 

I admit, initially I want to get married because I want to find the man who can provide the romantic love I have always longed for; but I realize married life will not always be about me. On the moment I become one’s wife and my children’s mother, I will have to think more of what is best for them than what is for me. Family always becomes the number one priority.

Marriage will not always guarantee a bed of roses. There will be times when I, with my husband, will have to face hard times; but if we learn to put our trust with one another and stay firm together, we can conquer every challenge that will come our way. And like I have been saying, marriage will not always be about me. If I always remind myself to do things for my family and not just for myself, chances of being happy in our relationship is going to be high. Once I get married, it is not just about saying ‘I love you’ every day; it is about proving how much I love my own family through exerting efforts.

When the time comes someone proposes to me, I have to be sure that I am in for the forever forever, not the forever in the meantime. At the end of the day, marriage is where I can do my best to express the unconditional love Jesus has always wanted me to.

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*The line "We'll make our own enough," is taken from Landline by Rainbow Rowell.

Synthesis

Say What You Will by Cammie McGovern

Many of us have been dreaming of finding true love; yet we cannot even comprehend what true love actually is. For so long we have believed that true love is about accepting us for all our flaws, the good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly, for better or for worse, this and that; and a lot of us even love to quote Marilyn Monroe: “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

I am not shaming what kind of person Marilyn Monroe had been; but when all of us simply believe what a notable person had said, without even thinking it through, then there can never be any room for us to grow. We have to understand that our goal in a relationship is not to find someone who can handle us at our worst just because we think our best can compensate for them. Your worst is your worst; but do not think you can never grow out of it. Strive to become a better person and leave behind those old, childish ways saying you have to be accepted for all that you can be. Nobody should ever have to put up with your worst self just because you believe it is what makes you. That is just selfish and immature. If all we think about is only finding someone who will accept our selfish and immature ways, and not even someone we can become a better person with, then there can never be authentic love.

Authentic love is about doing more for the person and less for oneself. It is about giving yourself selflessly without considering how much more will be given back to you. It is about giving all that you have, even when all you can be left with is nothing. It is about loving unconditionally.

Loving, especially when unreturned, can hurt us; but let us still love, anyway. There will be times when we put all our hearts into loving someone yet what we receive is not even half of what we give; still, that does not make us any less capable of loving more. We cannot control how others will feel about us but we can control ours.

If there is one thing we all should aspire to do, it is to find someone we can offer our unconditional love to. Let us remind ourselves that when we look for our significant others, we look not because we want to be loved, but because we want to love. Although we know how painful unrequited love can be, it is not so much about giving importance to our own benefit than it is to be able to reach out and offer our sincerest love to somebody. 

It is easy to say we have fallen in love; but staying in love and giving authentic love take a lot of effort. Along the way that we love, we come to have a deeper understanding not only of ourselves, but our significant others, as well. The more we get to know them, the more chances we have to become better lovers to them; to become more aware of the things they need receiving. 

I am pretty sure that most of us have heard other people say that when you love, you should not give everything that you have; you must leave something for yourself, too. When the time comes that the person you love deserts you, you can still be able to say that there is something left for you to bring yourself back up. Still, we have to remember that we do not love people only to figure out it is going to end eventually. We love – with all of our hearts, with all that we have – even without guarantees; because true love does not ask for anything in exchange. When one loves, one does not worry; because love, “if it is true, tames the beast.” Love that is expressed unconditionally, grows bigger and bigger, until indifference loses its whole being. 

Many of us have probably considered not finding our significant others, thinking we have been living majority of our lives doing very well on our own; but only then will we realize how incomplete our lives have been until we meet the person we know we are capable of complementing. “No man is an island,” did not they all say? It is because we, human beings, are innately interconnected with other people. We will always need someone we can depend on and someone we can lend a shoulder to. 

For us Christians, we are all led for one purpose: it is to love. That is one great commandment we are called for. It is just the way we express it that we differ with one another. To love someone unconditionally does not actually require us to be only in a romantic relationship. In fact, it does not require any relationship other than the one we have with God. If our hope to love others unconditionally is fueled by the faith that we have in God, then we can never be wrong. By putting all our efforts into loving, even when not reciprocated, then there can be no hurt any longer; only love. 

Loving has its endless opportunities; if only we maximize the use of what we are capable of doing in giving happiness to other people. If we know that what we can do is what will bring greater joy for others, then do it. Never keep something all to yourself when we know it can be good for others, too.

If we all learn to love without any prerequisite, love will surely grow. We will learn to become happy just knowing we love, even without receiving anything back; for we know that when we love with all of our heart, with all that we have, we cannot know of pain any longer. It is only love we will feel. 

When we love someone, reciprocity is not a must. Do not force someone into loving you just because you love them. That is not love. That is selfishness. If they do not love you the same way you do, that should not become the end of you. If they find someone else to love instead of you, be happy for them – for seeing them find someone they can be contented with. What greater satisfaction can there be than to see the one you love happy? 

Loving comes with understanding. When the people you love treat you indifferently, you have to understand where they are coming from. Sometimes, there may be a little difficulty in how they express how they are really feeling to you, but if you try to listen carefully and take some subtle hints, you can understand them better. 

Love – it is actually a very nice feeling. If we all try to focus on how much better the people we love feel more than how we do, every trace of pain will simply disappear. If we all know how to live our lives doing good for the others, life will surely become better; there will be heaven on earth. Do not think of how much you can take when you love; think of how much you can give, instead. Love without limitations. Think of loving even if, and not because of. 

Use your life to become a blessing to other people. Dedicate yourself in doing the things you love the most to make others happy, too. You may not get so much out of it, but think of how much you can do for others. In the end, it is going to make the suffering worth after all. 

When you love, give everything that you have. Do not set any criterion in loving. Remember that love becomes true only when it is unconditional. Do not ask for someone to accept the worst parts of you; strive to become your best self you can offer to somebody, instead. 

Loving someone is not just about being concerned about how one feels about himself/herself. If one has the audacity to talk about the comfort of his/her feelings, then he/she might as well consider others’; because at the end of the day, it is about fulfilling our commitment based on our faith in Jesus Christ – it is about losing yourself passionately just to give love regardless of anything.

What I am most thankful for

I have always been most thankful for the life that I have, not only because I have been given the chance to achieve my goals and dreams, but to become a blessing to other people, as well. I am very grateful that God gives me the chance to live my life everyday, knowing I can be an instrument of proclaiming his love and glory, to make a difference in other people's lives, and most especially to become a good Christian follower.